Why Does It Feel So Hard to Find a Partner?

This week, I interviewed the esteemed Stephanie Coontz, an author and historian. Coontz and I talk about questions like why it feels hard to find a partner, what you should look for in a partner, why men mansplain, and she even offers a compelling argument on why you SHOULDN’T do date night.

Like others in her field, Coontz believes the amount of choice we have for dating has in part made it difficult to settle down. Many of us also have wildly high expectations for partners—we hope they’ll be exciting, safe, supportive, and stimulating. We hope they’ll help take care of the kids, give us great career advice, provide excellent companionship, and grow in the same direction and generally at the same pace we do.

Contrary to some of her colleagues, and to my great relief, Coontz argues we shouldn’t lower our expectations. Instead, we ought to have higher expectations for friends and family. If we do this, we lower the burden on our partner to be everything to us, while we develop richer relationships.

Coontz is insightful, passionate, and practical, and I think she has a lot to teach all of us on how to proceed in the increasingly complex world of relationships. Take a look and let me know what you think!